My moves to discuss my marriage intentions with Johnson did not work out easily. The first day I wanted to tell him about it was on a Sunday afternoon in the church; as I was set to talk to him, Pastor came and sent me on an errand. The second time, I invited him to my house, another member of the church came visiting too. I could not discuss such matter in the presence of another person. The burning desire to discuss the issue with him forced me to make an unscheduled visit to him on a Monday evening. Luckily, I met him at home.

“Johnson, my mum has been disturbing me about getting married. I‘ve thought about it and I felt she was right. She even promised to sponsor the wedding I’m seriously searching right now. Just felt I should inform you,” I ranted in excitement.

“Why will she be disturbing you? Is she trying to position you for her daughter; Chika,” He replied with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“How do you mean? I can’t understand what you are driving at.”

“Come on Kel, don’t feign ignorance. Have you not been sensing it? Do you think everything she has been doing for you is free? No wonder she always sends the girl to bring food for you.”

I was so uncomfortable and angry with Johnson because of his utterances. I could take anything from him but to insult my mother is a boundary he should never cross.

“Johnson, be mindful of your language. It is my mum you are talking about here. She may not be my biological mother but she loves me genuinely. That woman has played important roles in my life, so I will not have you talk about her in that manner.”

“It’s alright Kel, I am sorry. I never meant to insult your mum and I will never insult her. It is just that I don’t want anyone to bombard you into doing something you will regret later. You need to take your time and make the right choice. Shine your eyes bros.”

The direction that Johnson was going made me happy. He was saying what I expected from him. I felt that talking with him was the right decision.

“I am truly shinning my eyes and praying too. I believe that one of those God fearing girls in church will be mine.”

“Sisters in church,” he asked in a disgusting tone.

“Kel you ought to be smarter than this. Marrying in church is not always an open sesame to getting a good girl,” he added.

“Johnson, I don’t understand your point.”

“My point is that majority of those girls are not what you think they are. Most of them are retired prostitutes. They don’t have womb not talk of becoming pregnant.”

Immediately Johnson said that I concluded that he was either high on drugs or he had a hidden agenda. If not I wondered why he would say such thing, when almost all the ladies that got married last year in our church have given birth. I pointed that out to him.

“Kel, you think that you are smart? Alright, what of the few among them who are not pregnant yet? Don’t fall victim like some other naive men. That is why I am here for you.”

“I will repeat the question for emphasis sake. You said that majority of the girls in the church does not have womb but most of the ones that got married last year have given birth. What do you have to say about that?”

“Those ones are tested and trusted. Men in church these days are wise. They will tell girls; no pregnancy, no marriage. The innocent girls who have nothing to hide will agree. But those ones that have skeleton in their cupboard will tell you that fornication is sin. They wait for naive men like you, who they will deceive.”

“Bros, you should know that you are not talking to a baby. You make this thing sound so easy. Was pregnancy test not conducted on those girls before they got married?”

Johnson laughed hysterically and said, “Kel, you claim that you are not a baby but you ask questions like one. Anyway, I will explain everything to you. Those marriage counselors are human beings like you and I. Some of them know how they did theirs before they got married. So, it is just for you to meet the person that will take your fiancée for the test and explain everything to her.”

The truth was that everything Johnson told me did not connect in my mind. I could remember that few people have been disciplined for this same issue. If there was an escape route, how come they were caught? I was silent for a while thinking about it. Later, I decided to ask him.

“Johnson, I must confess to you that what you are telling me is not clear. Last year, a newly married couple was suspended because of this offence.”

“Now, you are talking. So your fear is suspension. Do you prefer to have a baby and go on suspension for few months or being deceived into a marriage that will not produce children? What is even the big deal about suspension? Is it not for the church to feel that you have done wrong and discipline you? It is a normal occurrence. About half of the church members have been on suspension at one time or the other. Some once, others twice or even thrice.”

“Johnson, you are sounding strange. I don’t believe you.”

“What will I gain from telling a lie? Alright, why not ask old members. When I said old members, I mean people who will be willing to tell you the truth, not persons like your mummy who shields evil.”

“There you go again. I have warned you before. Let that woman be. If you talk about her in that manner again I will take my leave; of course that will mark the end of my relationship with you.”

“I’m so sorry. I think it’s high time we changed this topic. I believe that I’ve made my points clear to you. When you get home, think about all that I have said. For a change of topic, what of your babe?”

I pretended that I didn’t know who he was talking about and asked him to explain further. He told me that he was referring to the girl that he met at my house.

“Oh! You mean Jane? Don’t mind her; she has refused to give up. She kept on disturbing me.”

“That is good news. It means that she loves you. I will advise that you hold on to that girl. A devil you know is better than an angel you don’t know. As for me, I like that girl. If you insist that you don’t want her, transfer her to me.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked in a feigned anger tone.

“You have seen that you are interested in her. You better go for her before other sharp guys will take her away from you.”