“The discussion I want to have with you is concerning our wedding. I will prefer us to go for court wedding. I have already contacted a wedding planner; she said the marriage registry at Ikoyi will cost us N100,000. The hall for reception is N500,000, cake and hall decoration is N250,000. My wedding gown, shoes, designer’s purse and jewelries was put at N200,000. I have a 2 months plan and you know that time flies. We have to be quick in our plans, considering the fact that even the traditional rites have to be performed.”

At that point, I was no longer listening to what Jane was saying. I didn’t know it was because of that senseless talk she woke me up from sleep at a wee hour. But then, I allowed her to say everything in her mind.

“For the traditional rites, I’m budgeting N800, 000. The money is for both bride price and traditional wedding expenses. For this aspect, we have to manage fund because the main focus is on the white wedding.”

‘You want to manage fund and you are budgeting N800,000’ I thought. But she was not done yet.

“Lest I forget, we will be buying clothes for my entourage. Another is that I told the wedding planner to come tomorrow and collect an advance payment to enable her start the arrangements. I think that N500,000 will be okay for a start. Do you have a contrary view?”

She waited for my response but I did not mind her. After a while she looked up and asked if I heard what she was saying. I told her that I was listening.

“Kel,I am aware that you have been listening to me. But I need a response. What is your view about all that I said?”

“Ok, everything you have said is good. It is just that you forgot to mention the date that you will be meeting my parents for the payment of the dowry that you talked about. Secondly, I didn’t know that you are this rich. Imagine the amount of money you want to spend on our wedding. Thank you so much.”

“What do you mean by date of meeting your parents for the payment of dowry? I am confused.”

“Why will you be confused? Are you not the man of the house? If not, will fear allow you to sit me down to dish out instructions in the guise that you are having discussion with me? Let me tell you things that you don’t know. Since I started living in this house, I have not paid any rent. It was the rent that Mummy’s brother paid that I have been enjoying. Both the car and the business I’m doing are from him. My wicked master who I served for 8 years settled me with only N100,000. I was frustrated because the money could not even get me a shop not to talk of putting goods inside. However, Mummy came to my rescue and connected me to her brother who had just won visa lottery. He took the N100,000 and handed over all these things to me. That was a month before we met and you thought that I was a rich man. Now, you have known the source of the money you have been squandering. What I narrated to you, is the first part of the story, now hear the second part.

The house rent has expired. The landlord is expecting N400,000 from me. Yesterday, the car suddenly pulled up on my way to the shop. Every of my effort to start the engine proved abortive. I called a mechanic to fix it and he said the engine of the car has gone bad. According to him, the only solution is for me to buy new engine. That same yesterday, I went to meet one of my customers owing me N500,000. From a far distance, I noticed that people gathered around the shop and I was wondering what happened. On getting there, I discovered that the people who gathered there are his creditors. Story had it that the man disappeared into thin air. After searching for him for about two days, they broke the shop out of anger. That was when they discovered that the shop was empty. On hearing that bad news, I collapsed. It took the intervention of people around to resuscitate me.

If you are truely a wife, you would have noticed that something was wrong the moment I stepped my feet inside this house yesterday. But your concern was that I did not buy shawarma and pizza for you. You better wake up.”

I never knew that talking to Jane was like pouring water on a stone. She was not touched by anything I said. It was obvious from the question she asked.

“Kel, are you saying that there is no money for our wedding ceremony?”

“No! What I am saying is that I am going to do money ritual. But be sure that I will use you for it.”

Two months after I left the church was hell. It was as if good things left me immediately I left the church. It was tales of woe. Business was dull. The little one I sold was squandered. So, the shop was almost empty because I could not replace the goods I sold.

The worst was that after each frustrating day at work, I would go home and meet the ant infested firewood I gathered in the name of a wife; that meant another round of stress. If I was told that Jane would turn out to be such a bilious woman I would have doubted it. I never knew that human beings could be that mischievous.

As if her problem was not enough head-ache, the landlord was at the other corner trying to squeeze life out of me because I owed him rent. He even threatened to eject me from the house. Of course I believed that he would redeem his pledge honourably.

I decided to go and beg Johnson for help; he was the only one I had. On getting to his shop, he was very busy.

“Kel it’s like you came at a wrong time. Can you wait for me?” He asked but didn’t wait for an answer before bringing in another option.

“May be you should go, later I will come to your shop to see you.”

“Don’t worry, I can wait.”

I was very hungry and thirsty but there was no money with me. I left the little money I sold yesterday for Jane to use and cook. I thought of telling Johnson to buy food for me to eat but I later discarded the idea. Then it occurred to me that prayer could solve the problem; I silently prayed that God should touch Johnson to offer me something. The prayer was never answered. Maybe I forgot that the prayer of a sinner is an abomination unto the Lord. After what seemed like eternity, Johnson took me to his office.

“Kel how are things moving?”

“Things are rough, that is why I’ve come to see you.”

“I am all ears, talk to me.”

“Johnson my landlord is making my life miserable because I owe him house rent. He has threatened to eject me. Business is dull and I don’t have any other person to turn to. Please help me. The house rent is N400,000 but any amount you can afford is ok. I will give it to my landlord and beg him to exercise more patience. I’ve already told my mechanic to sell my car. Once that is done I will give you back the money.”

“Kel your condition is pitiable but unfortunately, I cannot be able to render any help to you now. Both my house and shop rent has expired too. I’m yet to pay mine.”

“That means I am finished,” I cried out.

“No kel, don’t talk like that. There must always be a way out. Why don’t you get another accommodation; even if it is one room? Later you can rent another place. Think about it. If you like the idea, I can help you with money to do the payment.”

“I don’t think that things have gone that bad. Instead of renting one room, if I give the money to my landlord, he may not disturb me for a while.”

“Kel my money will not enter the hand of that your evil landlord! Do you know the source of your affliction? Think about my proposal. If you agree to my terms, then we search for the accommodation. If you can excuse me, I have customers to attend to.”

I left Johnson’s shop with sadness. I didn’t know why he was insisting that I search for another accommodation. The worst was that I didn’t have another person to turn to. I wished that I could turn back the hands of time to the days of harmony with Mummy. I’m still in shock of how everything melted away suddenly. My worst fear was that I doubted the possibility of ever sniffing the air of prosperity again.